now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
