When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
