Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
