I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
