those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
