Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
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