Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
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