my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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