So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
you win again, gameday.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Just pee around me
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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