You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Randomize
