I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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