so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Randomize
