Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
