Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Randomize
