you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
