I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
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