you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
Randomize
