i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
