Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
