I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
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