Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
So here I am, sexting at work.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
