Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
