no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
My liver just had a heart attack.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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