I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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