Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
I got chris browned last night
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
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