You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
