Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Randomize
