Im at strip club and am horny
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
