I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
