Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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