why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
