What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
