I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
