I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
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