Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
