I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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