My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
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