mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Taylor Swift is so right about you.
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Randomize
