Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Randomize
