She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
