i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Randomize
