No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
She's the barista slut.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
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