My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
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