fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
