Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
