Duck Duck Cougar?
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
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