he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
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