good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
