it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize
