drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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