you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
