just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Just cropdusted the office
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize
