dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Randomize
