She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Why is your signature on my underwear?
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Randomize
